As you’ve probably guessed from the title, I’m going to talk about sex. More specifically, I’m going to talk about Christians having sex. Yes, Christians talk about sex and their having it and their not having it. We talk about it because it’s an issue we, along with most everyone else, face. If you’re not interested in sex in any way, shape, or form, or interested in hearing or talking about it, you’ll want to leave now.
Well, since you’re still here…
Single, unmarried Christians should not be having sex. For any reason. Period. There are no exceptions.
Any time Christians make mention of being engaged or newly married, there’s often an underlying tone of excitement about finally being able to have sex after (hopefully) abstaining from it for so long. With the excitement comes inherent, underlying expectations about what the sex will be like. Now obviously, as Christians, we shouldn’t be “test driving car ”before we “buy it,” but if we can’t drive it beforehand, how do we know how well it works? What if there are kinks in it? Or things that don’t suit our preferences?
In other words: How can we know what the sex will be like before we get married? How do we know if they’ll be able to satisfy us?
Really, we can’t live by God’s plan and know ahead of time what to expect from the sexual aspect of marriage.
Let us consider this: if we enter marriage as virgins, as God intended, we’d have nothing — good or bad — to compare our sexual experiences to. However, the reality is that most Christians aren’t virgins; they’ve had sex before. Perhaps it was when they were saved, perhaps when they weren’t — that’s not important — the fact is that those types of memories are hard to forget. Especially because they’re pleasurable and plentiful.
So what happens if, when we get married and consummate the relationship with intercourse, the sex doesn’t measure up as we’d hoped? What if we have memories of more skilled sexual partners that we’re constantly comparing our spouse to? What do you do if you get married to someone you love with all your heart, someone you’re convinced is the person God has ordained for you, and the sex is horrible? Can they be taught to be better or is it just what it is and there’s no changing them? Does divorce, which should never be an option for Christians, become an option?
I don’t know; I don’t have the answer here. But I do know this: we’ve obviously strayed (very far) from the idea of holding onto our virginity until marriage, and as with all sin, fornication has consequences that must be dealt with; this is one of those consequences.
Ultimately, it comes down to this: Are you willing to divorce someone because they’re bad in bed? While I’m sure people have divorced for lesser offenses, we, as Christians, must hold ourselves to a higher standard (although the Christian divorce rate says we’ve failed in this area). You could rationalize this and say it’s a deeper issue than that but it’s really not; does sex make or break a marriage?