Ladies, we are ruining our sons. Not all of us but some. Some Black mothers are making mistakes, most out of love and fear, that are preventing their young Black sons to be the kings that they were destined to be. This is especially for the single mother who are unfortunately forced to play the role of mother and father to the best of her ability. Role duality can take a toll on anyone so my heart goes out to you. I understand that your job is not an easy one and is sometimes one that can be draining especially when it is done solo. However, you have been given the greatest job one could have. Raising a child.
You should also know that in no way is this an attack. This is a call for concern. As I am seeing the same sickening pattern repeated year after year because the same mistakes are being made. At some point our sons have to be on their own and be the men that they choose to be. However, I am a firm believer that how he is raised will play a solid role in that choice. The energy spent on making sure your son has the best sneakers or is the best dressed should be spent on making him an emotionally stable well rounded man. As the proverb says, it takes a village to raise a child, so please feel free to add on more advice in the comments.
1. Stop Co-Signing His Whorish Behavior
It is disturbing to see women who encourage their sons when they find out they have several girlfriends who have no idea about each other. Comments like “My son is a playa!” and “All the girls love my son!”. That may be true but that does not mean that you should encourage him to cheat on women and lie to them about them being the only one he is dealing with. Some women think it is “cute” for their son to be a woman magnet and it is understandable that if he is attractive then yes women will gravitate towards him. That is not the problem. The problem derives from you allowing him to date several girls at the same time and lie to them about his loyalty to them. Remember, it was not cute when some man did it to you.
2. Stop Making Excuses For His Bad Boy Behavior
Countless times I have seen mothers on the news crying and hollering about how their son was such a “good boy” and they have no idea why someone would want to hurt them, or why they were arrested for shooting all those people. Then the interview goes to people in the neighborhood who knew this young man and they paint a totally different picture about him. They say how he was a hoodlum and sold drugs, hung with the wrong crowd, was known for carrying a gun and so on…. What do these two contrasting opinions mean? Someone is not facing reality. Every mother wants to believe that they have a son who is a good boy but the truth is that if your son is a bad a** then he is a bad a**. If he is among the group of kids that are terrorizing the neighborhood and involved in illegal activities then your denial of his behavior and constant excuse making for him will not save him from being on a slab in the morgue nor will it save you the embarrassment of being the lady on the news who swears that her son was such a “good boy”. The energy you spend in defending his name and honor could be spent on you being honest about the type of person your son is turning into and a possible resolution to that.
3. Let Go Of The Guilt
A lot of mothers who are raising young men are in a position of constant guilt because many of them are raising them without a father figure. To make up for the guilt they allow their sons to manipulate them emotionally and coddle him to no end. In other words they allow him to do things that they know deep down are unhealthy for them but the guilt they feel outweighs their good judgment. Don’t allow guilt to be the guide to your conscious and decision making in raising your son.
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