As I rushed into work Monday excited to see what music’s royal couple Jay Z and Beyonce wore on the red carpet at the MET Gala, I hate to admit it, but I found myself a bit disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, the black beaded gown draped her body perfectly, and the overall look was elegant. That sheer veil she wore was very classic, and her deep marooned lip color spoke the word “rich.”
But something about Beyonce’s energy that night, just wasn’t right. She was missing that sparkle in her eyes. She wasn’t who we know as the “Queen Bey,” nor was it “Sasha Fierce” or the newly coined “Yonce”.
You see, one of the things that we adore about Beyonce is that undeniable “wow-factor” she possesses from head to toe! When she arrives, Mrs. Carter embodies superstardom and her presence always commands the room. I even went back to photos of her previous MET Gala gowns and this year’s look was no comparison to the dresses she had worn before. Guess you can’t slay the red carpet every time huh? So I just attributed it to her and Jay’s super busy schedules, and the huge empire the power couple has created together. Not to mention, the highly anticipated upcoming “On the Run” tour they just announced that I just bought tickets for. They’ve got lots going on obviously…so I moved on from their MET Gala red carpet look.
Then comes the shocking video footage of Solange attacking Jay Z in a hotel elevator. “OMGEEEE!!” I thought. I was completely floored at the aggression Solange used towards her brother-in-law, and I was even more shocked at how Beyonce, his wife, barely got involved.
With all of that fight Solange gave Jay Z, there has to be some deeply brewing issues within this family. And this situation looked all too familiar to me… “Baby Sister has had enough of Big Sister’s Husband’s crap and Big Sister’s not going to aid in his defense this time, at least not for a while, because she feels some type of way about it too…”
From the time the story broke, media outlets everywhere were all over it, buzzing with speculation. Social media ran amuck! There were user generated meme’s of Solange and Jay Z being retweeted and shared everywhere, creating a deplorable image of the in-law’s relationship. And let’s not forget about the obviously “staged” jewelry shopping excursion of Solange and Jay that hit the press.
As disturbingly entertaining as this incident has been for America, I couldn’t help but think, that the real issue here isn’t what Jay or Solange did – it’s Beyonce.
Why didn’t she jump to her husband’s defense and check her angry spit-slinging sister? Why didn’t Beyonce leave in the truck with her husband when they exited the elevator? Why did she post that prayer on her Instagram the same night asking God for discernment and to separate her “from anyone who is not a good influence”? And lastly, what’s up with the tattoo being removed off of her wedding finger?
All of these questions WE have right? Yet no one, at least in the media, has used this as an opportunity to lend support, have compassion and encouragement for the family or Bey and Jay’s marriage. Truth is, this couple could be painfully unraveling right in front of the cameras, and because of our warped focus, we can’t even see it.
Then yesterday, that’s when it hit me! The woman I saw at the MET Gala this year, I recognized her. I know that “half smile” we saw on Beyonce. I recognized the “always poised and polished look” because I wore it sitting on the front row at church every Sunday. And though I walked side by side with my husband looking like we had it all together in public, I felt like I was dying inside from betrayal, rejection and infidelity. I loved him, but could no longer trust him. And we had so much to manage daily that I couldn’t just leave him. I saw myself in that woman at the MET Gala, because I too wore a veil – for years – in an unhealthy marriage.
To cope, I engulfed myself in work and became addicted to staying busy as a way of avoiding the real life issues I faced at home. This eventually led to me developing anxiety and depression, crying spells and a loss sense of self behind closed doors.
The pressure of maintaining the “image” of how people viewed our marriage was a lot to handle. I didn’t want to disappoint those who admired our union and I wanted to give hope to those who aspired to have a “beautifully blessed and happy marriage” one day. So I somehow developed this idea that “hey, no one’s perfect, all marriages have issues right? Things will all get better, just sweep it under the rug and eventually the bad stuff would go away.”
Well unfortunately in my case, it only got worse; it led to separation and ultimately a divorce.
Instead of us involving the people who really cared about us sooner, we closed them out to uphold that false appearance, and waited too long to get help. So there were barely enough prayers sent up on our behalf for protection and covering. The damage was done and it was hard for me to recover. The marriage was already deteriorating and our foundation of family, friends and even therapy wasn’t strong enough to hold it together.
Divorce was the one of the most devastating things I have ever experienced. I wouldn’t wish divorce on my worst enemy! Marriage is every woman’s dream. It was my dream. Since I was a little girl viewing “the idea” of what I thought mommy and daddy had, I looked forward to finding love and being a wife. But I realized it was that “idea of marriage” and “our family” that made me feel accomplished, proud and loved like I finally had it all. When really, I loss the love for my own self, I was hurt, and we didn’t communicate properly – but trying to hold on, I guarded my marriage with my life. That was until it almost took “the life” out of me…
Now I could be wrong, Beyonce could actually be really happy in her marriage. She and Jay could still be “Crazy In Love.” But some of the recent signs are all too clear for me to believe that right now. Solange isn’t crazy either, she was passionately acting out, defending her sister.
Those all of a sudden “prove my sisterly love” photos, personal prayers, and the hand-written quotes from “The Invitation” book (by Oriah Mountain Dreamer) is usually read by people yearning for something deeper, seeking inner peace, contentment, and joy. These recent posts are likely indications that Beyonce is using her Instagram account as a call for help!
Instead of us spinning our wheels about this couple, wondering, speculating and assuming what’s really going on in their marriage, I would like to ask of one simple thing we all can do to send positive energy, support and compassion their way:
Can we all lift Beyonce and Jay Z’s marriage up in prayer?
1 Timothy 2:1-4 (NKJV) says:
Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, 2 for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence. 3 For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, 4 who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.
While they are dealing with private issues that have unfortunately become public, now is the time for us, their fans, and especially the married folk to intercede in prayer on their behalf, for peace and protection over their union.
For Solange, we should pray that she learns self control and develops an honest conviction for her actions. Just because she is a celebrity, doesn’t exempt her from being human nor does it grant us the right to sit back and judge.
Proverbs 25:28 (NKJV) says:
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls.
We could only hope that she gains strength from God so that the next time she feels she has to be defensive, she remains passionate but handles it better.
Pray with me today:
Lord we humbly come before you praying for Beyonce, Jay Z and their family during this difficult time. We pray for peace, protection and that they draw closer to You for direction. We also pray for other marriages, that they too seek You.