With a decades-long career in television, including his own show, Steve Harvey has conquered the media world. But during his rocket-like shot to the top, Harvey had his share of relationships and gained a lot of experience with women.
Now he’s turning this experience into sage advice for the fairer sex. Like the title of his book says, a woman could learn a lot if she would “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.”
Check out an excerpt of the book below, then head to the “GMA” Library for other great reads.
Chapter 10: The Five Questions Every Woman Should Ask Before She Gets In Too Deep had just gotten to Hollywood and I was seeing a lot of things my then thirty-eight-year-old eyes had never seen before. One of those that stood out most was the lifestyle of a famous and well-regarded celebrity, whose name I’m just going to go ahead and keep to myself. But this much I will tell you: this man had it all—money, fame, and a bevy of super-beauties so bad he could have easily made Hugh Hefner scratch his head and wonder how he could get in on that action. I mean this man was surrounded by gorgeous women. A lot. All. The. Time. And I was amazed at this because I couldn’t understand how one person could get all of these fine women like this. I mean, he wasn’t the best-looking dude in the business—there were others with more money, more prestige, and certainly better looks than him. Still, he was a master at keeping a stack of solid tens at all times, with commitments to none of them. I’d heard about these superplayers with supermodels on their arms and everything, but when I saw it up close, I was amazed at how the actual connections could happen, and especially why these women stayed with this guy, knowing that they were one of many hanging on his arm.
And I needed to know how this was done (um, not neces¬sarily so that I, too, could have supermodels hanging on my every word, but because I was genuinely blown away by the phenomenon). So I sat down and talked to this guy and a bunch of other men who were in similar “relationships” and asked them point-blank: How do you keep these women coming back for more? And each one, including the most notorious of the bunch, laughed, shook his head, and said pretty much the same thing: those women want the money, the fame, and the lifestyle, and they’re willing to put up with a lot of things—not many of them good—to get it. “But do they realize,” I asked in all earnestness, “that this is going nowhere?” The one guy shook his head some more and said, simply, “They don’t know where it’s going because they never ask.” He added: “What am I supposed to do—tell them I’m just using them for sex and arm candy? It just is what it is.”
Blew me away.
And the more I asked the same questions of guys in similar situ¬ations, I heard the same answer, again and again. And each time I asked them what could have made it different for the women they were with, almost down to the letter, each one of those men said the same thing: if a woman came to me and quizzed me up front about my intentions, they would have known from the beginning that I’m not looking for anything serious. They don’t ask, each one said, because they think they’re going to run me off, so I get to just string them along. And the one celebrity who seemed to be the master of all of this said, quite simply, “I have enough of them so that when I get the questions, I don’t have to answer because for every one woman who asks, I have two more who won’t.” Call this what you want: foul; wrong; inexcusable—what¬ever. But that’s how it is. And this kind of thinking from guys isn’t just happening in celebrity circles, trust me. It happens with everyday guys—doctors and lawyers, truckers and deliv¬erymen, too. Some of them have as many women as some of my celebrity friends, and the women they run game on are just as fine as some of the supermodels clinging to the arms of stars. But if you’re a woman on a string of three or thirty-three, you’re still on a string. And both you and I know that’s not a good place to be. Your objective is to avoid being on the string.
The first step, I think, is to get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him. Just stop being afraid, already. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot. The same philosophy can easily be applied to dating: if putting your requirements on the table means you risk him walking away, it’s a risk you have to take. Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding out on the commitment to you because you’re afraid he’s going to walk away and you’ll be alone again. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time. Know this: the game is old, and it’s not ever going to change. My sons will do it the same way because they can and there will be women who allow it to happen. But you can cer¬tainly know the rules up front, and change up your strategy, so you don’t get played.
How do you do this? Start by making the man be really clear up front about what he wants out of his life and his relationship with you. You do this by asking him these key five questions— questions that will help you determine right away what values this guy has and how you fit into his plans. I devised these ques¬tions after years of watching men play women, and women fall¬ing for it, and constantly asking myself and even some of my friends who are masters at the game, “If I were a woman, how could I avoid all of this?” They’re great questions, too—the answers will tell you everything you need to know about this guy in your life or the guy you hope to have in your life. Asking these questions will help you determine whether you should stick around to see where your relationship goes, or if you should run really fast in the opposite direction. Note: There’s no need to delay asking these questions—ask them right away, as soon as you think you might be remotely attracted to a man you’ve met. If he’s turned off by the questions, so what: you have the right to the information. And if he isn’t willing to answer them, well you know from the gate he’s not the one for you.
So let’s just get started with the questions. Remember: No. Fear.
to read more logon to: